DANCE makes me whole :)

MOVED!

2010-06-09T19:20:00.000+08:00

moved to gohjiayin.tumblr.com (:

about time

2010-02-20T18:54:00.002+08:00

Yes, I think it's about time for me to include updates from my experience in Deutschland! So here's an excerpt from my diary entry:

I don't want my exchange experiences to be reduced to vague memories and soon turn to dust and be swept away, lost and forgotten. So, I shall jot down the random things that shape/are representative of my experience here as they come to my mind -

- Living in a little town, or more like a village on a mountain (Hallgarten) of a little town (Oestrich-winkel).

- Walking the 2km stretch of road leading to Hallgarten MORE THAN ONCE in pitch darkness because some (perhaps governmental) mistake left this road stripped bare of street lamps. Without a torch, we had to reply on the faint moonlight and the glow of the white snow to guide us along the road to home.

- Fumbling with our house keys and the darn door for 15-30mins MORE THAN ONCE as our fingers (and other parts too) stiffened in the cold, because we didn't know we had to turn the key RIGHT and not left, pull, then push to open the door.

- Living on apples, kiwis, nutella, bread, chocolate, nuts, cheese and cherry tomatoes, especially when travelling (there's no kitchen to cook).

- Having all 3 meals at the nearby supermarket, preferably Aldi (it's the cheapest!)

- Collecting plastic bags whenever available in supermarkets is routine.

- Visiting the supermarkets more often than we go to school.

- Patronizing all 3 supermarkets in our vicinity (the school's vicinity to be precise - we've to take a bus out of Hallgarten, the little town within the little town) each time to buy grocceries at their most economic price.

- Usually visiting the 3 supermarkets in order of their economy in pricing - first Aldi, then Netto, followed by Rewe, the most well-stocked but also the priciest of the three.

- Hand washing our clothes because we've a calculative landlord who charges us 3euros per wash when other students have landlords who charge nothing for the use of the washing machine.

- Bringing larger and thicker items (eg. bedsheets, thick clothing) to our friends' house to wash using, thankfully, the washing machine - a humble but wonderful invention.

- Scheduling our days' activities around the bus timetable

- Getting paranoid when the bus is late (especially when it is snowing), because punctuality is not only a virtue but also the norm in Germany. A late bus means it was stuck in the snow some where and this opens up the terrible possibility of us having to return home (~2km, 50min up slope).

- Protein-less for a week - my first week in Germany.

- Skype-home and house-cleaning Sundays

- Watching cooking videos for tips and recipes

- Converting my room into a mini studio with a towel as a makeshift yoga mat for my exercise indoors, with BBC news playing in the background.

- Wishing I had a bolster.

- Pedalling a bike that can't back pedal. The pedals don't move when wheeling the bike. We got our bike refunded because it was impossible to cycle up slope to Hallgarten. Walking is a breeze in comparison.

- Enjoying chopping vegetables (don't ask me why) and cooking. I find chopping vegetables kind of therapeutic though I do cut myself occasionally.

- Becoming increasingly skilled at peeling kiwis through practice (I peel at least one kiwi per day on average).

Tiger Woods

2010-02-20T18:48:00.001+08:00

It's funny how these days there's all the talk about Tiger Wood's public apology on BBC, and there's a similar problem I know of closer to home. Well, what I reckon is that people aren't intrinsically bad, but that people are just human. The fact that Humans make mistakes. I don't believe in the ideal role model. Everyone has an ugly side..it's just a matter of perspective. What you see is literally what you get. What you don't see is what you don't get...until you see it. I guess the important thing is to acknowledge your mistake and learn from it. BUT, there's a limit to how many mistakes you can make and be forgiven, because people can't be infinitely forgiving - they're human too.

Speaking of one's ugly side, these are what constitute my ugly side that I've come up with: too serious and uptight at times, insolent at times, miserly and picky at times, too proud to admit my mistakes or publicly acknowledge my ignorance at times and also petty at times. (I certainly hope that this list has been exhausted!) Note that "at times" accompanies each ugly trait of mine. Just to prove the point that people exhibit different traits at different times. Sometimes I find it pathetic and aversive how people tend to generalize and stereotype others, yet I'm guilty of doing that too at times. But I have learnt that this is a mechanism that we as humans are hard-wired to carry out. It's a way to simplify things; make information easier to process. So the key to preventing stereotyping really is to manage it.

exercising self-control

2009-10-05T23:53:00.003+08:00

Self-control is like a muscle that needs to be strengthened, the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. No wonder you exercise self-control.

Unfortunately willpower seems to be on the verge of fleeing and self-control is kind of evading me :( Need more discipline to study, exercise and eat right!

con-fidence

2009-10-04T22:13:00.002+08:00

That day i was just talking to a friend of mine and the topic of confidence came up. I recall telling her about how I envy those people who can exude confidence effortlessly when they speak and present to a class. And her response was: confidence is really con-fidence. It was kind of a moment of enlightenment and changed the way in which I view confidence.

Her explanation: there's a reason why confidence is spelt as such. The first three letters "con" literally mean conning someone. So now I view confidence as having two layers to it. The first being apparent confidence, as implied by the word "con". People deem you as being confident because of the way you manage to display an exterior of confidence. Basically you've successfully managed to 'con' people around you that you are a confident individual despite the few or numerous insecurities you may have beyond that facade. The next layer would be true confidence. You're indeed confident about yourself and this shows as confidence naturally exudes in your demeanour and speech.

Oh yes and now I remember how this topic cropped up in the first place. It was after CRM midterms and before Advertising. I was feeling nervous about my advertising individual presentation when I made that comment that was followed by my friend's remark.

Fear - the enemy of confidence. Only when you've confidence in yourself can you conquer fear. I'm glad my confidence triumphed my fears that day :) I was happy with my presentation and was glad I displayed my talent during my presentation. One of the rare opportunities to showcase my talent during a presentation - not for a general education module mind you, but a marketing module! I really owe my friend one though (the same friend who enlightened me about confidence) - she was the one who believed in me, the one who had confidence in me. If not for her, I wouldn't have done the stunt I performed for my presentation :)

It's amazing what confidence can do!

I didn't have any summer romance

2009-09-27T11:40:00.003+08:00

They're always writing songs
About a summer love
That never seems to last beyond the fall
But I ‘ve a different reason
For crying this season
A reason I can hurt you most of all

I didn't have any summer romance
Nobody bothered to break my heart in two
While others where fooled by the sweet words someone vowed
I was the one who made company a crowd

I didn't walk down the beach in a trance
Or listen to little white lies that sounded true
And no one could be as blue as I was in the fall
Cause I didn't have any summer romance at all

And no one could be as blue as I was in the fall
Cause I didn't have any summer romance at all

lazyy day

2009-05-01T13:58:00.002+08:00

a lazy day at home then will be out for dinner later to meet up with my LTB freshies :) been a long time!

ahh i'm still achingg..so loser-ish! after like a full day after training and i'm still aching :/

anyway had a good day yesterday meeting up with ying, together with shiyan and chris :) it was fun reminiscing about old times again. i just love doing that..it's damn funny. and then as usual we came to the topic of hc chinese dance and our two common enemies - our own teachers! haha. and the baby crying ringtone and the espirit skirt, the goldfish eyes, the warrior milkmaid costume, the bells that attracted more attention than desired, someone being stuck in the toilet cubicle when the rest were already performing etc etc. haha if you're an outsider you wouldn't know what i'm talking about at all. but well that's the whole point..not supposed to know. haha.

ahh it's time to sort out my IE stuff...i think i haven't done that in almost a year now :s what a procrastinator i am. bleah. today's labour day! i think i should get it done today! fresh start to a new month and of course the summer :)

feeling shitty

2009-04-28T21:41:00.002+08:00

sighh i think i'm going through a horrible phase. a phase where things just don't seem to be going right..went through a sickly semester, and by that i mean i was sick quite frequently then. and then now it's like the aftermath..the shitty results, the weight gain (yes i'm heavier now and i don't think i can go back to my previous weight, booo). i'm getting quite sick of school and things just don't seem to be going smoothly and i'm not too sure what's wrong. and i'm only halfway through! arghh.

oh yes and by the way i just did a facebook quiz on my handwriting, and the result is that i'm depressive. how wonderful. doesn't make me feel better in any way. and what's more, my friend said that he thinks it's quite accurate :/ though i know online quizzes aren't to be trusted and are supposedly not indicative of what i really am, i can't help but feel slightly (or maybe more) affected. bleahh

on another note, i hope i get my internship soooon

midterm break is here!

2009-02-21T17:46:00.002+08:00

HOHOHO. The horrrible week is overr, finally. Not feeling that happy though. more like relieved. more things to do this upcoming week (though it's the midterm break) as usual. This week was 3 midterms plus a quiz week. And I completed 2 midterms and the quiz, all on Tue. What wonderful timing.

Anyway, it's great that all is over for now. Time to begin working on projects though! Have a psych individual draft paper due coming Mon! And I still haven't thought about what I want to work on..have been researching a little. Was thinking of all sorts of topics, relating to dance, sexuality, memory...I will endeavour to do up my draft tonight!

Hmm I've resumed latin after InDanCity's Beyond production, and we've learnt a new chacha routine. It's fun, and going for latin practices has renewed my passion and excitement for it :) I spent quite an inordinate amount of time watching latin videos hurhur. And also like practised in front of the huge mirror in my living room haha :) I'll be partnering Edwin this time. I guess we'll be doing novice rising star. Not complaining about that except for the fact that I really don't know when I'll ever get to learn samba and rumba!

Coming Monday is Tiffy's 21st! Having attended Shiru's 21st and now having Tiffy's one drawing near has made me think about what I wanna do for my 21st. Organizing a party for a large crowd is cumbersome, so I suppose a small gathering would be ideal. But I really don't know who to invite! I mean it's like I wanna invite more people, but that means more trouble, and also having many different groups of people who don't know each other. I don't want my guests to feel awkward. Hmm. I don't usually have a party of any sort to celebrate my birthday, so I wonder whether all this effort for a 21st is worth the while. My sis tried to convince me otherwise. She said you're only 21 once! But come to think of it, you're only every age once!

Actually even if I plan to invite a large number of guests, the number who will turn up may not be that many. Having my birthday fall in end Nov I think is not good timing at all. It clashes with the exams, and if I decide to celebrate it after everyone's exams - meaning in Dec, I think many people will have travel plans :(

quick update

2009-02-01T18:32:00.004+08:00

It's been some time since I blogged..so just a quick update on what has been going on so far!

After indancity's production, I haven't been doing much, or you can also see it as I've busy relaxing, enjoying some quiet time with my family and myself at home, and also nursing my illness. I think I was overworked - last term was crazy, and a hectic dance practice schedule followed immediately after in preparation for beyond. my body finally retaliated. It sounded it's displeasure the only way it knew how to - by making me feel feverish and tired. I also had flu symptoms - a persistent cough and thick, green phlegm that wouldn't go away. My illness also robbed me of my sleep - I constantly coughed myself awake during the night. It was quite a painful time to go through. I really hated it when there was a dry scratchy feeling beneath my throat (it's not a sore throat mind you), which made me feel the urge to cough. But nothing would come out. I would cough and cough, and sometimes cough hard enough to induce a feeling of vomiting. This usually happened at night, just before I went to sleep, which made it much more unbearable. Of course I never vomited. That's the bright side of it!

There's also another optimistic way to look at my falling sick! I abstained from snacks during the new year period, so I really had a healthy new year and came out of the Chinese New Year feeling a lot more energetic and healthier :) Unlike some of the Chinese who end up falling ill because of late nights and goodies overdose. I also feel like I've detoxed my body and rid it of toxins! Especially my colon. I've always had problems with digestion and egestion haha. But now I try to eat less processed foods and eat proper meals so that I've enough roughage to allow smooth motion. hurhur. I'm also trying to drink more water. And also drink warm/hot drinks instead of cold ones..I think it helps! Really! :)

she's leaving! quite surreal

2009-01-04T00:31:00.002+08:00

It actually feels quite surreal that it is finally happening. We've been waiting, hoping, praying for this day. But when the day is finally here and drawing near, it feels strange and a little unreal. She's leaving, finally! What a relief, or put less euphemistically, good riddance! Ahh i feel evil, heh.

But she's truly incorrigible. Perhaps not worth the sympathy I was still feeling for her before finding out how she retorted to my mum. "Don't other maids make such mistakes too?"; "Why can't I leave tonight?"; "It's okay I have my biscuits". Haha okay, the last quote may seem a little out of context. She said that in response to my mum asking her to have her lunch, which my mum bought for her. She refused to eat and said that she had her biscuits. What horrific attitude. Stubborn till the end. Whatever.

Sometimes it amazes me that she's a mother. So childish in her mannerism and yet she bore a child. Poor child. Really. Not only is she bossy, she's stubborn too, and hypocritical. And just to add, she's not that bright either, though I'm pretty sure she thinks otherwise of herself. Hmm

Okay, I feel rather mean now. Think I'd better stop with my ranting. She'll be leaving monday night. Then it'll be time for us to do our share of household chores each while we search for another. I really hope bro will chip in. Sweep the floor, clean the washroom or something. Speaking of which, there's a lizard happily living in our bathroom! It's feeding on a constant supply of flies that visit our shower cubicle. So now there are much less flies but more traces of a well and active lizard making itself comfortable in our common bathroom. It leaves its excretion lying around as though dropping clues to prove its existence in our bathroom. Bleahh :s

Hmm..flies or lizard? I feel like choosing the former..

2nd day into the new year

2009-01-02T11:16:00.003+08:00

New Year's Day is officially over. I spent the day sleeping haha but I met up with the sevenone girls at night :) Kaiqian couldn't make it though cos she had to mug for her exam! Poor medical students! It was nice meeting up with everyone else though after such a loong time. Tiff, Chelly, Hongli, Shiru, Shimin..hopefully we'll have a sevenone class outing too soon!

Sighh..I'll really miss all my friends who are going/have gone on exchange. Though some I may not be that close too, I'll still miss them, and of course at the same time envy their fortune. I'll strive for my turn next year!

Anyway, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I thought I wouldn't feel a sense of loss or sadness when this day is finally here. I thought I would be unaffected, but I guess not. I think I'll need more time to not feel anything when it is around me. I'll refer to ahem as it. It's ok, now I have plenty of time to settle my heart and feelings. 8 months, a long time :)

Oh yes, I think I'd better restate my new years' resolutions clearly here:

1. be on time for classes, meetings, outings

2. not have supper after dance. stick to warm milk and perhaps an apple if hungry

I'm just gonna state to resolutions here. Having too many is impossible to keep. Of course, I'll buck up this term and reach for my As to pull up my GPA! Now that tuition is gone, and possibly less time spent on exco stuff after our production, and also maybe less time spent on latin (don't know who will be my new partner anyway), I'll make more time for studying, reading, and also keeping in touch with my old friends! Like the sevenone girls, LA square members..Come to think of it, it shouldn't be that difficult this year since there will be LOTS of 21st birthday celebrations! Mine is still about a year away though..And I'm quite sure it will be another non-event cos of exams :/ bleah. another couple of years worth of non-birthdays :(

cute things :)

2008-12-20T00:38:00.010+08:00

had my first shot at making sushi today! it was quite fun :) hopefully there will be a next time so that i can hone my skills! haha. there wasn't much variety though. we only had 3 types: tuna with cucumber, mango with prawn, and egg with meat floss.

the egg roll is a random item i made to use up the scraps left

the sushi were quite yummy but this photo isn't very well taken heh

nicest photo of the lot because it's taken by my sis! she's a better photo-taker than i am

there was also another first for me today. i sort of sun-tanned? haha. i went down to my condo's pool side and lay down there to read in the afternoon. actually it's not like i want to get really tan. just don't wanna look too pale..starting to get very fair now. jie said it's bimbo :/ bleah

okay cute thing number 2! we bought like 3 pairs of really cute and comfy home slippers from a shop in bugis, just have to post them here:

bought 2 pairs of these turtle slippers - one for ster and one for me :) sooo cute right?

this pair's for bro. his christmas present (in advance)

sisters outing to get the slippers after jie's roadshow

cute thing number 3 is the toy that i got for my birthday :) tako is his name.

that was a while ago, but i haven't posted photos here so here they are:

tako nestled on buffy's head

a nicer shot of tako resting on top of buffy

new year resolution?

2008-12-16T01:01:00.002+08:00

today was another day of dance. what else? haha

went for latin practice today because swan practice was pushed back. it was nice seeing everyone (almost everyone) back for practice :) the was packed as usual but it was nice having everyone back :) haha i'm just repeating myself aren't i?

anyway i've thought it through, and i think i'll really drop my tuition. hopefully with that down i'll be able to cope with latin and indancity and also exco next year? if not, i'll have to drop latin...i'll contact my tuition kid's mum tomorrow. sighh but i feel a little guilty and also sad. i just got started on my tuition kid not long ago, and i really want to help him improve. but i just can't afford the time. tuition will be twice a week once dec is over. tuition twice a week inclusive of travelling time etc can be quite time consuming, so with that cleared i think i'll be able to free up quite some time.

hmm the new year's coming real soon. and of course it's time for new year's resolutions! resolutions are meant to be kept, but new year's resolutions somehow never really stick. i guess the trick to it is not too have too many but really focus on a few (most feasible and plausible ones) and keep them! i have one very important resolution so far:

BE ON TIME. whether for classes or project meetings or meetings with friends. i really need to be punctual. i actually never had such a problem last time. i don't know when it started. i think it started some time after JC and continued through to uni? it's a horrible habit. ahh must kick it now before it's too late!

2008-12-14T23:05:00.002+08:00

swimming plan backfired yesterday...the weather is really wet these days!

but yayy finally managed to get the cute soft slippers we've been wanting to get for bro :) and we also got a pair each for ourselves! love them! but they're pretty expensive! never thought such slippers can cost that much haha

as usual, dance took up the whole of my sunday today...

sigh i really have got no affinity with the black box props used for dan's small item :s today i got hurt by the black box, again, for the third time. and this time i got hurt quite badly :( got cut and bruised. looks gross. the bruise is a bump, so now there's a hump on my leg boohoo. hope it will heal soon! i've generously lathered zambuck on it

day to relax

2008-12-13T11:44:00.002+08:00

today will be a lazy and relaxing day.

i think i'll go for a swim, head down with my parents to SPOM and then when i'm dropped off at orchard i'll probably make my way to bugis to meet my sis. see how her roadshow's doing :) if she'll take long maybe i'll walk around bugis or something. yayy lazy day :) can relax a little.

i still have muscle ache from albert's on thu! this is horrible. arms aching. from carrying weiliang and doing pushups. haha. i'm too weak. ahh but i don't wanna do so many pushups already! arms getting big :s disgustingg bleah

sighh yesterday's entry would've been a lot more positive and happy had i not received a call from eugene and night and checked my grades. oh well. today's a new day and i think it's time to move on!

anyway a bit about yesterday..had quite some fun iceskating with ster and her two friends, though i got quite a big blister :/ and the iceskates stank. but it was quite fun considering i haven't skated in about a year. we went to the kallang one because the one at jurong east was closed! and we only found that out after we arrived at jurong east to find the place quiet and empty.

then at night we headed down to LMS for its official opening. there was a yummy buffet spread, but it was quite heaty though! had some fun looking around, meeting the LMS people after almost one and a half years! how time flies..

makes me wonder what i'll be like in another one and a half years time..i'll be in my last year? about to graduate in about a year. hmm..

...danced too much for my own good :(

2008-12-13T00:08:00.003+08:00

It's about time I admit it. That I danced too much for my own good. Tried to handle too many things for my own good. Indancity, Indancity exco, Caderas, tuition, school. A combination too overwhelming for me to handle. I managed to tide over the horrible term that just passed, but barely. Now it's like the aftermath of it all. Trying to make sense of it all and accept whatever that's left and move on.

I'm still in shock. I think I'm sad; disappointed too; guilty, and also regretful. All at the same time. There's no one to blame but myself now. And I know I'll have to drop some of my commitments before it's too late. I think I'll most likely drop my tuition, and rethink the way I'm spending my time on my 2 dance ccas and also exco stuff. I need more time for myself. To study, to think, to read, to spend time with my family...

I've a lot of bucking up to do next term, and I don't know whether I'm ready for it yet. I need to think of a way...there must be a way..

I'll think tomorrow. Can't think now. I don't know what to do and emails keep coming in..bombarding my mind, my thoughts. I must say that I never thought that being president can be this hard. The way in which exco matters constantly preoccupy me..it's sometimes even pervasive. But I can't get rid of it. I always have this nagging feeling that I've things undone. And more often than not, this is true.

But I'm sure I can cope with it somehow. I'll manage somehow. I know I can. But not now...I feel a bit drained and exhausted, mentally..

phew!

2008-02-24T11:13:00.002+08:00

yayy the horrible hectic week is overr! :)

not to say that the coming week wouldn't be a busy one despite it being the mid-term break, but at least no lessons and i'll be busy with dance. of course there's lots of work to do yet again, as expected. but i'm so soo glad that week 7 is over! finally put biz law presentation, biz law mid-term paper and bgs essay behind me! ahahah :)

yes yes! and bailamos is coming our way this coming thursday! exciting :D i've gotten heavier though :(

brief update

2008-02-17T01:44:00.002+08:00

haven't blogged in a long time again!

but i thought that this is something worth noting down:

today i met jong, sort of face-to-face, but not really too. haha! i saw him when he was driving in his car and waiting to u-turn into alexandra road! he called me when i was waiting to cross the road, while he was waiting to u-turn. haha it's the first time i've experienced something like that before.

ooh and huixuan told me that ms chua's her school mate now! how strange can that be!?! she got a shock when she saw her. HAHA. i think if i were in her shoes i would've been quite stunned too!

sigh. much work to do for next week...the thought of having to complete my work and study for biz law mid-term is bothering. can't wait for the week to be over!

random + 1st day of school

2008-01-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

roar..my tag board isn't working :/ so i'll write what i wanted to say here:

i wanted to say that i'm not feeling lonely (at least for now n i think/hope for some time to come)! :) i was just reflecting on being alone, loneliness and relationship stuff in general in my previous entry...so don't worry! (if u were worried about me) haha :)

oh, and i realised that my previous entry was really quite crappy, with all the negative message nonsense and all. haha!

Anyway, today was my first day of school. it was pretty lax, with only 1.5h of AS (ie. Analytical Skills) class. My prof's Brian Mooney. He seems amiable enough, and he's quite funny too, though sometimes I've a little trouble appreciating his sense of humour for certain things. He's an easy-going guy from Ireland, who lives by the Irish traditions, like loving to drink beer, calling movies 'the pictures' instead of movies, and singing Irish songs? (he sang in class!) Actually I've no idea whether these are Irish traditions, but I have a feeling they may be. The greatest surprise I got from the class wasn't Brian's antics, but the fact that Shiyan was in my class too! Both of us were equally surprised and happy. haha! I didn't realise that I forgot to compare my schedule with hers. Sadly we don't have any other classes in common..

Stats and BGS (ie. Biz, govt & society) tomorrow! And I don't know whether I'll know anyone in both classes :/ I'm a bit scared for BGS cos I heard that my prof's pretty strict! He's definitely not the laid-back sort, judging from the comprehensive course outline n schedule he sent to all of his students. The schedule details exactly what you've to prepare, what learning pts u shld take home etc. And that's not just for the next few weeks; it's for the whole of the term! He has his very own website too. Pretty impressive huh? Oh, and he mentioned in his email to us that he may give us a quiz on our syllabus on our very first meeting (ie. first lesson, ie. tomorrow)! I think you understand why I'm feeling the way I do right? hurhur.

2008-01-04T00:05:00.000+08:00

if you've undergone COMM 101 at SMU, you would know all about negative message writing. or maybe if you've done a similar module at other institutions u would also know how a typical negative message is structured. typically, there's the beginning paragraph that serves as a buffer before the negative message is revealed, often, buried in a tediously long second paragraph. that is more or less what i plan to do now, that's why i'm talking all about negative message writing crap, haha. i'm applying a similar tactic here, but for a different purpose, so that people like me who dislike to ply through long prose, will be deterred from reading the content that follows. i'm not putting a title to this entry too so that the main point wouldn't immediately be apparent. so this entry will be a whole long continuous paragraph, be warned! stop reading now if you want to. stop. reading. now. okay, i'm just buying more..words? (time?) okay if you're still reading on, good for you, you'll finally know what i really want to talk about in this entry. well, what got me down to typing this entry is that recently i've come to know of people (family, friends and acquaintances), who've drifted out of old relationships and into new ones. i think this sort of thing is getting more common nowadays? i don't really know because i've had no prior experience. i know that quite a number of people who know me can't believe that but that is the truth. actually i think if those people knew me better they may not have found it surprising, because i'm quite a guarded person, and i'm no social creature. haha. back to the point. i was wondering about myself. about relationships. about people. come to think of it, i'm actually scared. i'm frightened by the thought of getting involved in a relationship. i'm worried about having another person look deep into me and then realising how much flaws i have. and i'm also scared of being hurt. i've seen my own sis go through hell, and then recover, then go through hell again. it's heart-wrenching just for me to witness her go through whatever she went through, what more if i were her? that's a rather terrifying thought. but the thought of not having someone to love and share your joy with (other than family) is also sad and scary. imagine feeling lonely and outcasted..it's different from being alone! being alone can mean giving yourself 'me' time; time to reflect and simply spend time by yourself. feeling lonely however doesn't necessarily mean that you're alone, rather, it means that your heart is lonely and you feel a sense of isolation, as if a curtain separating you from the people around you has been drawn. ironic, don't you think? okay i think it's time i end this outrageously long paragraph. congrats if you've managed to read up to the full-stop at the end of this line. :)

bad habits

2007-12-28T13:56:00.001+08:00

it has been some time since i returned from germany! germany was fun..i didn't want to be back home in singapore when we left germany after a 9-days trip there. i'm still in the midst of chronicling everything that happened in germany, austria and switzerland (well, almost all - if i manage to complete the journal fast enough before my memory of the trip fades). so far i've only written up to the 3rd day of the trip! i still have about 6 more days to go! i started quite early actually, but i've been feeling lazy to pen down my thoughts (i mean type) lately. a bad habit of mine.

on the topic of bad habits, i've come to realise that i've aother very bad habit. i am somehow incredibly fond of typing smses halfway and not sending them out, thinking that i've sent them out. then the messages end up as extremely delayed replies - if i even do send them out in the end. sometimes they're so delayed i find no point in sending them out, so i end up not replying the sender. ooops. :x

i promise to correct this bad habit of mine!

good news! ...and bad

2007-12-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

everyone likes hearing the good news first right? results for my tech & world change module, and mgmt comm module were just released today..and i'm happy and satisfied with my results :) :) yay yay. phew. still waiting for the results for my other 2 mods to be out. leadership & teambuilding (LTB) mod shld be all right, but as for FA, that's another matter altogether. FA - my potential nemesis. keeping my fingers crossed!

now for the bad news. edwin was just telling me today about the photo shoot pics. yeah i think the shots with me inside turned out pretty bad, cos of my horrid 'worried' expression that just couldn't be wiped off my face that day. sighh. i feel bad. feel sorta like a let down - to the marketing & photo shoot team (if they've to use the 'ugly' photos), and also my partner for that day. i mean he was good with the expression and all - he had the intense look, the focused eyes. my eyes on the other hand, told a different story; they looked worried and maybe a little blank too at the same time..arghh how i wish i felt more at ease and confident abt myself that day. i guess i was feeling to self-conscious then :(

stay home monday

2007-12-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

today was stay-in day.

felt a lil sickly today cos i kept sneezing throughout the day...i think i got the bug from my sis or dad! :/ now all of us are a little sick. we better get well before our europe trip though! yeah so today was sort of wasted with sleeping and more sleeping. omg i feel like a pig. haha.

sighh i'm going for FTT practice tomorrow. but the FTT book is utterly BORING. can't get past the basic driving techniques bit...

i just checked out the dance schedules for this dec hol, and i found out to my horror that i'll be missing a total of 6 practices! (including the student choreo prac.) this is terrrible. ahhh..i'll be busy catching up when i get back from europe!

boohoo i miss my pals. siqi! cherlyn! chien wei! i miss u all! we MUST meet up in late dec! :)

regained freedom & photo shoot

2007-12-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

i'm FREEE at last! free from FA..yay! haha

actually i wanted to post this yesterday but there was something wrong with blogger.com

anyway i'm dead tired right now after a WHOLE day spent doing photo shoots. 8am to 6.30pm. incredible! i never knew that doing photo shoots can be so tiring. and i never knew that doing a shot with only our legs in the frame can require 45 minutes to get right. i know how models feel like now. and how photographers go about doing their stuff now. not easy jobs man, haha. i always thought models had fairly simple jobs of posing and looking pretty..but i guess posing and looking good isn't that simple after all! especially if you can't smile. i'm so used to smiling in dance photo shoots, so when i'm asked not to smile, i don't know what expression to do haha. i ended up with a slightly worried expression. terrible :/ i think it's partly cos i wasn't feeling too comfortable with my costume, especially during the initial part of the photo shoot. oh, and of course i wasn't used to doing the kind of 'sultry' poses which we were asked to do. took some time to warm up to that. felt much better after lunch and a power nap though :) i was only half-awake during the earlier part of the day having not had sufficient sleep yesterday night. haha actually in comparison to some of the rest like manfred and edwin, i had more than enough sleep. but that's not the point.

anyway, the make up team was grreat :) they were very supportive. in fact everyone who was there and didn't model all helped in some way or another. ahh i really hope the posters turn up well! :) the photographers were good too..they were patient throughout the whole shoot and apparently 4 photographers came down for the price of one! i'm extremely glad that all of us survived the gruelling 10.5 hours of taking picture-perfect (ok, maybe not that perfect) shots. phew!

oh yeah angeline and i thought the photo shoot was a bit like a mini singapore heritage tour, haha! we went to several scenic locations for the shoots. it was pretty cool :) never knew some of those places existed in spore, seriously!

ok i'm really sleepy...bye!

promise to update more frequently now that exams are over :)

i didn't get through ):

2007-09-01T19:13:00.000+08:00

sigh, i didn't get through the emix auditions. i was praying very hard that ryan would do something more lyrical, but no, it was totally hiphop. hiphop isn't my kind of thing - at least for now. i won't lie..i felt sad, disappointed, and well, lousy after i got rejected, though i sort of expected it. but i'm fine now!

fortunately the way ryan works is such that he helps to train and nurture dancers; he has arranged for a training class too, aside from the performance team - which is great! yay (: it'll be a good chance for me to finally pick up some hiphop moves man. i've always wanted to learn, but i've never really got a chance to be trained in that genre. and another wonderful thing is that he holds auditions periodically for those in the training team, so if you improve and perform well enough, you can actually enter the performance team. that's really good news for me (: i'm determined to pick up this new dance genre, so i'll work hard at it!

i don't think anyone really reads my blog, but yea, i wanna thank 2 people here. the first person is this girl, whose name i've unfortunately forgotten..i met her at bondue camp run 2. yep, she said i dance really well (i had to dance as a forfeit during the ice-breaker games). that simple compliment helped to raise my spirits when i was feeling rather downcast after the emix auditions. thank you!

and the other person i wanna thank is jialing! she messaged me to tell me that she asked ryan about my case. and apparently i was eliminated cos when i forgot the steps, i stopped. he specifically asked us to keep going even if we forget any steps. he was looking out not so much for the steps, but the style and attitude (which i admittedly don't have for hiphop, haha). i'm really quite touched that she actually was concerned enough to ask about me. thank you soo much! (: this is one of those times when you feel remembered and cared for. i thought that jialing may've sorta forgotten a junior like me, cos i joined chi dance at ny quite late, and for chi dance at hc i only got to work with her for syf. she was more committed to hc MAD. yup, so i feel a lot better now. especially in schools like SMU, where it's pretty competitive and like there are so many popular and sociable people around, there's a tendency for people like me to feel lost and not feel a sense of belonging. hopefully that will soon change!

haha, i think i'm really too guai. like i feel uncomfortable clubbing and i don't like to drink, and i don't have attitude so i can't dance hiphop - yet.(haha, i keep emphasising "yet" so that i remain positive. if not it'll seem like it's the end - can't do it now means can't ever do it.) sometimes i think i'm too mild, too plain, too unexciting. that's bad right? i think guys like spunky, sassy girls. i know i'm shooting myself down, but i think i've quite a lousy personality - so un-fun. take so long to warm up to people, and always tend to keep a distance from people unless i get to know them really well and i feel comfortable in their presence. boo...

anyway vodka tastes horrible. absolutely disgusting. it's so bitter and it tastes like medicine :s i tried it during the freshmen bash. i can't understand why people actually drink it! i think the only reason would be that they wanna get the feeling of being 'high' when they get drunk. and it costs so much at clubs. personally i think it's a real waste of money to fork out so much in exchange for something that's a torture to drink. yuck.

first day of school

2007-08-22T00:02:00.000+08:00

today's officially my first day of school - no lessons for me every monday (:

school was all right today. i had my leadership and team building (LTB) module this morning. it was surprisingly not as boring as i thought it would be. i've already blogged all about my first LTB lesson on the class journal, so i won't elaborate further.

anyway lesson ended at 11 45, but today was a long day for me. had tuition after that till 4 plus, rushed home and rushed out again for movie. watched license to wed. it's pretty good; very funny! the fake babies were hideous though :s now i'm feeling tired..and, and...sad. sigh.

ok, i'm off to bed, goodnite.

DOUYA!!!

2007-08-11T22:09:00.000+08:00

douya x2

cai bo x2

popiah x2

rojak x2

long zhong jia x2

jia si mi?

douya.

jia si mi?

DOUYA.

YAMMM...douya.

woohoo! that's our extremely original and creative group 97 cheer for FTB run 4! haha. there were a total of 30 teams if i'm not wrong, and the teams were further divided into 5 sections of 6 teams. groups 97 to 102 belonged to the SPARTAN section (:

okay, so here's how the cheer came about. apparently the movie 300 has spartans in it (i didn't catch that movie), and 300 is pronounced as douya in Burmese (we found that out from our international friend from Myanmar!) yup, so that's how we came to be known as DOUYA. and since douya means bean sprouts in mandarin, our ever-so random kai ling linked this to cai bo. we then began adding on to the list with more singapore hawker fare. haha, not easy right? must link link link to get to how our cheer came about. oh, and the last part is actually the best part of the cheer! cos u know normally people will say yam seng? so it's supposed to be quite anti-climax, like YAM super loudly and hold it there for a few counts (with our arms in the air to imitate clanging of glasses) before we put our arms down and say softly but in unison, douya. must sound gentle and sexy some more, haha.

haha, i know all this sounds rather stoopid, but when were we at camp it was really fun! and it was great that we had great unity as a team and strong team spirit. we also had lots of integrity and perseverance! in keith's words - (we had) "nothing but integrity". BUT, we didn't have nothing! initially we were honestly quite bad at planning prior to the actual execution of the activity. our plans more often than not, backfired, much to our dismay. we didn't give up though! we kept spurring each other on. especially with people like kai ling and yvonne who had the amazing ability to self-high and self-amuse, the spirit of our team was kept up! we proceeded to getting better at planning and working as a team, and soon enough, we began to perform (quite well i must say) for certain activities (:

i felt especially proud of our raft! it was seriously the most sturdy and well-made raft i've ever seen. credit goes to all the ex-scouts/guides/npcc people in our group. the raft was out in the sea for 30mins, with the sea waves constantly crashing against it, but it did not show any sign of giving way at all! yay! sad to say though that it was us who faltered during the paddling, and that's why we didn't manage to reach the finishing line. but i'm really glad that we exhibited the same never-say-die spirit characteristic of our group! we paddled for a full 30mins. we were really determined and set on reaching the ending mark, but eventually it was time that gave up on us. yes, we ran out of time, cos we had to move on to the next activity, which was the campfire. even though we didn't manage to reach the finishing line, the most important thing was that we didn't give up on ourselves! we persevered and gave it our all :D so for that, i really want to applaud everyone (: DOUYA all the way!

save the best for the last. and that's exactly what we did! we worked hard and fast during the final challenge, and we came in first for the spartan section (if the use of power cards are negated)!! woohoo! i couldn't believe it man. but well, we did it, and we were all over the moon :D

a lot was packed into 3 short days of camp. it was tiring but definitely a fruitful experience. too many things went on so i cannot possibly cram everything into one entry (or maybe i can, just that i'm too lazy to, ha), so i'll just say that i hope that the friends i made at camp are friends to keep - at least some out of the group of 14 of us, to be realistic, and i'm truly thankful for having such a wonderful team - we have a very good mix of different people and talents and a very encouraging and supportive faci, si hui! way to go DOUYA!!

bondue camp 07

2007-08-06T16:24:00.000+08:00

came back from camp on sunday afternoon. the camp was quite fun overall, but i needed time to recover from the culture shock i got on the 2nd day. i'm so lousy; i was quite traumatised by all the drinking and clubbing that went on in school on the 2nd night. put off, in fact. i guess some things just takes time getting accustomed to. i won't go into the details about what happened...

my group was quite nice. we played lots of lame games on the 1st day - "bang bang who died", "fuzzy wuzzy" etc type of games, haha, but it was pretty fun. it was a pity though that my group didn't get to go for fright night :( all the way to changi for nothing. apparently the police turned up at the old changi hospital (where the fright night was supposed to be held) because we were trespassing on private property. we had amazing race on the 2nd day. my group was super slack, we just walked the whole way. but that also gave us more opportunity to interact and more with one another, so no complaints there. anyway one of the girls in our group had an injured knee so she couldn't run. we had to accommodate her if not she would've had to exclude herself from the race. actually it wasn't much of an accommodation la haha, cos there were some of us who preferred more of a leisurely stroll than running around.

bondue camp is only the first of my three camps so far, so i've 2 more to go! this week, thursday (national day) will be the start of FTB. next week will be SMUX camp. it think SMUX camp will be fun! but i suspect it will be the most exhausting of the three. judging from the packing list, the camps will be very obs-like. oh, i found out that vicki's in my group! so that's good news :) at least someone whom i know - not personally - but at least i know who she is and she knows who i am. and well, we both know shiyan.

dunno what to call this entry

2007-08-02T22:41:00.001+08:00

hm hm, tomorrow will be an exciting day! i'll be going for biz camp (i dunno how exciting is that, but i guess it beats staying at home the whole day), and my mac will be coming! that's the exciting part, hoho (: the sad thing is that i won't be around to see my mac :( but i will get to once i get home from camp on sunday, yay! by that time the laptop will be fully charged and ready for me to fiddle around with it :D :D haha, i think my sis is equally excited - if not more - than me; she's the ultimate IT buff u know. the laptop will come with other perks like an ipod shuffle, adobe photoshop, and extended warranty. that's good, since the price quoted on the NUS webpage isn't exactly cheap. reasonable i guess, but not exactly inexpensive. i hope the ipod shuffle will be good to use. my main gripe about the ipod nano is its battery life, which seems to have shortened drastically over time. i certainly hope that the ipod shuffle will be better than its cousin in this respect.

anyway today my sis and i went cycling together! after such a long loong time. haha, the two bikes we have were in quite bad shape - the tyres were flat, the chain on one of the bicycles came lose, and the metal was rusty. well, we finally got the tyres pumped and the chain realigned properly after much procrastination (about 2 to 3 years!?). nothing much could be done to the metal parts which are still spotted with reddish-brown rust though. haha, but still, i'm really proud of what we achieved today! (: but there are some things we have to purchase for the bikes. things like bells, baskets and reflectors so that we can cycle safely at night. it was pretty annoying having to stop frequently due to pedestrians who were walking at a leisurely pace (and i mean leisurely) when we were riding on the pavements. we didn't have bells to alert the pedestrians as we rode behind them. i tried calling out "excuse me excuse me" but trust me, it doesn't work :/

my dad will be on leave starting next week, for 2 weeks (if i'm not wrong)! so my mum has entrusted me with the task of planning some family outing(s) :/ it's nice that she trusts me, but organising is like 麻烦. have to get my bro to agree to go out la. anyway i came up with some suggestions: play badminton, cycle/rollerblade at east coast, or go kbox haha (neva go before as a family! it'll be quite amusing i think).

a good day :)

2007-08-01T13:27:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a good day, though i didn't do anything in particular - i was at home the whole day. but it was a good day; it was get inspired day! i managed to complete something i wanted to make for someone, and i got quite a lot of inspiration from so you think you can dance! :D haha, so now i'm choreographing some dance for fun with my newly-found inspiration! yay :) hope the good ideas keep coming :) :) :)

NDP preview

2007-07-29T12:50:00.000+08:00

went for NDP preview yesterday! it was quite nice and more refreshing, cos the performance made use of the water to heighten the visuals of the show. the sound system seemed better too, i think most probably due to the place being smaller. i heard from my dad that the seating this year is reduced by nearly half! so i guess i was pretty fortunate to have managed to get tickets (: we were sitting in the blue sector, which had quite an atmosphere, cos they were quite a number of small kids. haha, we were like waving the illuminated stars cum clappers enthusiastically in the air as if we were at some idol's concert. it was fun!

oh yes, and this year's goodie bag is much much better! more snacks and other goodies in the bag, plus the bag is more aesthetically pleasing and usable. the bag is basically made up of 5 pieces of cloth (3 strips and 2 more for the sides of the bag) which have zips around the edges. so u can swap any number of these strips to get a multi-coloured bag! and you can increase or reduce the size of your bag by adding or removing strips. quite innovative right, haha. there were cute spongy hats in our packs too, which have eyes which can light up. mine was a shark, and my sister's was a lion:

好姐妹！:D

teeth-less shark

friendly lion

pa & ma! (:

my bag - rearranged (:

quick update

2007-07-27T14:45:00.000+08:00

eheh...for a moment you must have thought that i've abandoned my blog? well, i can tell you firmly, no! i've been immersed in the world of harry potter for the past few days (or with is it the past week or so?) and i've been eagerly watching "so you think you can dance - season 3" on the computer :D i lovee the show! i think season 3 seems a tad more exciting than its predecessors :)

i've been eating out quite a bit with friends recently, and shopping too :/ sigh, feeling guilty about all the spending. i think i need to reduce my expenditure when school starts. okay, maybe not when school starts. maybe i should start from next week onwards. boohoo. if not at this rate that i'm going, i don't think i'll be saving much.

oh yes, i met up with song, selene, christl and siqi that day, at holland v! it was nice seeing them (except for sikhi) after such a loong long time! everyone was more or less still the same, which i was glad, cos it gave me that inexplicable and warm sense of familiarity when you meet up with old friends :) it was a simple affair - dinner at a restaurant called Breks, sitting in the open where the air was cool after a shower. we didn't crack hilarious jokes or played games and roar with laughter; we merely chatted and reminisced about the good old ny days :) it was a good feeling. sometimes i feel that friendships forged during my secondary school days are the strongest and most lasting. i don't know how true this is, but for now - at least - i believe so.

anyway it's back to reality from next week onwards! no more wandering in the world of harry potter with my first camp coming up next week, and another 2 camps following that. i hope the camps will be fun!

i'm looking forward to tomorrow's national day preview. i hope it'll be worth the while, with some new and surprising elements injected into the show, given the change in venue. and of course i'll be keeping my fingers crossed! pray that there wouldn't be spirit-dampening rain!

HARRY POTTER and the deathly hallows!

2007-07-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

it's out! FINALLY!

but i've to wait till it's my turn to read :/ my bro will be the first, followed by my sis, then me. sigh, cos i'm the slowest reader, boohoo :( i hope my bro doesn't spout some spoiler by accident when he's done with the book!

haha, my bro was telling me abt this youtube video he saw. it was filmed in London, when Harry Potter and the half blood prince was released. there was a long queue of hungry harry potter fans waiting to get their hands on the book, which snaked out of the big bookstore, onto the road. then this insane guy drove up and down along the road next to the bookstore, shouting "Snape killed Dumbledore! Snape killed Dumbledore!"

horrible spoiler :x

being whiny

2007-07-21T16:18:00.000+08:00

boohoo..my dad managed to get NDP tickets, BUT I CAN'T GO!!! :(

all because of stoopid team building camp, rawr. i mean they should take into consideration the patriotic people around who earnestly want to celebrate national day! okay, i think i sound rather gross. BUT anyway, it's a public holiday. the camp shouldn't be held on a public holiday :x

now i've to settle for the preview i guess

a bad back :s

2007-07-17T18:47:00.000+08:00

the title says it all. i've got a bad back. 2 bruises on my back even though i didn't bang on anything! i first got my back injured during last week's dance practice. it got better after a week or so of rest and application of ointment. then i went for dance again on sunday, and well, you guessed it, it became worse! so i went for massage today. the lady massaged with much enthusiasm as well as did ba2 guan4 for me. the massage was especially painful today! quite intolerable i must say, to the point that i was banging my legs on the bed during those acutely painful periods! :x

*ba guan is a technique used in TCM to enhance blood circulation and speed up recovery. glass bottles and a lighted splinter/cotton wool (not too sure about this) are the basic tools used in this (seemingly?) simple process. the air within the glass bottles are heated up by the lighted splinter/cotton wool, then the bottles are quickly placed on the affected areas. a suction force will be created immediately, and the bottle tightly adheres to your skin. the bottles leave red, round patches on your body, which will fade within a few days. the redder the marks left behind, the worse the condition is of the affected area. apparently regular application of this form of treatment would result in lighter and less red marks left on the affected area, cos the flow of blood and qi is better. something like that anyway, based on my understanding of ba guan.

haha, i realised that my description of ba guan is rather long! so well now i've 2 big bruises and ugly marks on my lower back :/ hope they disappear soon!

not that great a day

2007-07-14T22:12:00.000+08:00

today wasn't exactly a great day.

first i woke up early when i didn't mean to wake up that early cos i didn't sleep that early the previous night. but i woke up at 7 plus, 8 anyway. then i had to brace myself for the arranged meeting at the place opposite my hse. awkward episode. fortunately it's over now! i think i was pretty mean during the short but seemingly eternal 45 mins or so at the place opposite my hse. my sister said so too. but..but i couldn't help it! when i'm feeling repulsed, irritated, angry, or whatever, i just show it. i mean i didn't purposely try to reduce eye contact to the minimum (okayy, maybe i did it with the hope and purpose of deterrence in mind). i feel mean and a bit guilt-ridden, but it's over now and i can't do anything, so i'll just leave it as that.

that took away my morning. next, the Awards Presentation Ceremony occupied the rest of my day. i was whining to my sis about how i regretted agreeing to go for the ceremony, cos i suspected that it would be a time-consuming and boring affair. true enough, it was by and large the case. the only saving grace was the reception, haha. cos i was starving and i managed to meet limen again and chat with her. i met yan and wan too, and we decided that we should've a chi dance outing before everyone starts to get busy with uni! limen will be leaving for chicago. she's the only dancer going overseas, so i asked her what is the last place she would want to visit before she leaves s'pore. and u know what she told me? changi airport!? that's more like the place she has to visit before she leaves s'pore. so now she's thinking hard about where she wants to go and hopefully we can arrange our outing soon before it's too late! ok, back to the ceremony. it was boring throughout, though i must admit that i thought steph ko's speech was well-written and entertaining (so was ms grace fu's speech, which was quite interesting too), though i don't think i feel the same way as she does about hwa chong. it's wonderful that hwa chong holds a very special place in her heart, but i doubt i dare say the same thing applies for me. maybe it's the people, like she said. it's the people whom you mix with...and perhaps yourself too. well, at least there are my dance mates, cos i wouldn't say that my class is closely-knit. only 3 ppl from our class (including me) turned up for the ceremony! how pathetic is that?

the worst thing about the ceremony is that i wouldn't have agreed to go if my parents decided not to go. well, obviously they agreed to go and that's why i turned up in school today. but they didn't turn up in the end!! they smsed me to say that they couldn't attend cos they had to prepare stuff for a function they had later on :x AND my mum didn't even sound apologetic on the phone, when i called her! hmph! at least my dad sounded a lil apologetic in his sms. but i'm not angry already now cos my mum's always like that anyway (time to get used to it - i'm still trying very hard) and they missed their function due to a horrible traffic jam. they were stuck on the road for past an hour! should pity them too, haha.

random

2007-07-13T17:42:00.000+08:00

thought i'd drop by cos i'm in the office right now, which is a rare thing since i've already quit my job. anyway i've nothing to do at the moment...waiting for my sis to knock off..eleven minutes more to go!

hoho, feeling happy :)

2007-07-13T10:43:00.000+08:00

haha i'm in a happy mood today..lala

i realise that i've been blogging abt sad things tho happy things like mon's outing with e rest of the LA square founders (chien,sikhi,cher) and debs at the mind cafe was SUPER FUN! it was hilarious. had a mighty good time tho it was only a measly 2 hrs. we'll be holding another themindcafe outing real soon, CAN'T WAIT! yay!

pls pls, cherlyn, end work soon! so that we can take advantage of the happy hour! ladies nite, yes yes. free flow of drinks and cheap rates, oho :D

my only complaint was the "i'm the boss" game..i kept trying to send ppl away cos i was utterly confused, boohoo. i think i dun really have a business mind, oh no, and i'm taking a business course!? and i got cheated by cherlyn tan for one of the deals lor :(

oh wells, nvm, i still can't wait for our nxt outing, hehe. more mindless games and hopefully no more especially enthusiastic (put euphemistically) waiter! seriously, he was like "tsk tsk" with his hands behind his back and all. as if we're small kids who've done wrong! :x

alone = lonely?

2007-07-12T21:40:00.000+08:00

Lonely I'm so Lonely

I have nobody

To call my own...

I think I'm starting to get used to doing more and more things alone! Is that bad? I seem to be beginning to do more things, like shopping, alone - something I've never done before until recently. That day I even went to orchard library alone to return a book and read Harry Potter! It's not that doing stuff alone feels horrible, in fact shopping alone, for example, has its advantages. You can take your time to browse anything you like; you can just have a look at the things you have an interest in, and you can revisit whatever shop you like to peek at the item you have been eyeing - without feeling bad. Yet...yet shopping alone still leaves me feeling inevitably lonely inside, I don't know why. It seems so contradictory.

When you stop working and have more time to yourself, your mind starts to wonder. I've been thinking...

I've been thinking about how I'm not exactly a very sociable person, which is quite sad, really. I'm feeling sad and regretful that I've lost contact with quite a lot of my ex-classmates because I'm not used to being the one who takes the initiative to contact people and keep in touch. It's not that I don't want to. I don't have the courage to. Especially since I've not done it before, it seems all the more strange and awkward:/ sigh.

I've also been thinking about how I'm not exactly a warm and friendly person. I think some people have the impression that I'm rather cold and detached, preferring to maintain a distance when I don't know people well enough. Sometimes I wish I would warm up to others more quickly...

unwelcome advances :x

2007-07-10T20:22:00.000+08:00

unwelcome advances - persistent, irritating and frustrating!

fortunately after much discussion with my mum and sis we've come up with a solution, phew! can't wait to get over with it soon! it'll be a huge load off my mind.

crepe - creep or crap?

2007-07-08T22:24:00.000+08:00

this message is meant for whoever who doubted huixuan in her pronunciation of 'crepe' (me included, oops) :

she's RIGHT and YOU are WRONG! i heard it on discovery channel travel & living; 'crepe' should not be pronounced as 'creep', but 'crap'.

shiru, don't laugh at her anymore!

AHH...

2007-07-07T15:58:00.000+08:00

...i'm jealous when i know i shouldn't be! and i can't say why :(

sighh. bye.

hong kong hong kong!

2007-07-07T12:48:00.000+08:00

the siew mais are really cute, and yummy too (with 3 fresh prawns in each)!

on our way back to the airport

cihan, me, shiru

goodbye hongkong

KRISPY KREME! we found it at last!

what a spread!

new york cheesecake doughnut..i'm HUNGRY

ooh, the french toast is really goood! but the bo lo bao cmi :/

a hearty breakfast :)

my 1st time taking the MTR

this is really cute..

...but i can't make much sense out of it

(cantonese..pls help!)

i still can't get over the fact that "guardian" is also known as "mannings" in hk! weird.

the carbonara's damn nice! unforgettable *smacks*

spaghetti house!

mmm..traditional hk desserts

pork chop bun..YUMMY!

(fooled? it's a photo of a photo ahah.)

xu liu shan - a true blue (yellow?) mango dessert..

mango shavings, mango pieces, mango sauce!

the famous victoria peak

shimin, me, shiru at the peak

hongkong - the city that never sleeps!

cyclin at east coast park :)

2007-07-07T11:57:00.000+08:00

6 hot literally hot babes

(was pretty hot. fortunately it was qt windy too, phew!)

ooh, the coconut trees look nice :)

cool hair, hot babe, haha. watch out for dirty ah pehs!

hey hey, me and shimin :)

BU YAO PAI bu yao pai!

(no prizes for guessing who, haha)

care to dance 2007

2007-07-07T11:22:00.000+08:00

adorable Jane (my buddy) and i

tiff and her buddy, Clairen

the 4 of us had a great time at Tao Nan School and were even interviewed by ppl from lian he zaobao!

Feeling troubled ):

2007-07-06T01:13:00.000+08:00

I know it’s late and I should be heading to bed now, but I feel compelled to pen down the thoughts swirling in my head right now.

I heard about a schoolmate who will be flying to the US to major in dance as well as study international relations (if I’m not wrong). I never expected such a piece of news to bother me much. But when I was finally home after a long day at East Coast Park, followed by a movie at Cineleisure, I realised that the truth is: I do feel bothered. I am affected by the news – I am envious; envious that I didn’t possess the kind of courage that my schoolmate had, to take the leap of faith and pursue what she is truly passionate about. I wish I had the courage to opt for the path less travelled. I wish I had the courage to sit down with my parents and tell them firmly that it is my ardent desire to pursue a dance major overseas. I wish I had the courage to face up to myself and push for what I honestly would love to do, even in the face of my parents’ objections. But it’s too late now. Applications to overseas universities are closed, and I am already enrolled into SMU. Sometimes I wish I were more rebellious. Sometimes I wish I did things to please myself more than my parents. Sometimes I wish I didn’t take after some of my parents’ traits. Without doubt they should be deservingly classified under the moderately to extremely risk-averse category, which I hope I don’t belong to, but I think I belong to. Their decisions are very ‘safe’, practical, and calculated options – pursuing solely dance alone is unwise as there is a relatively high risk of me not being able to make a name for myself in that arena. Moreover the fact that possessing only a dance degree narrows my future potential job scope compounds the level of risk involved in such a choice. Also, sponsoring me without the aid of any scholarship would not be feasible because it will burn too large a hole in their pockets.

I know I can’t blame my parents. It isn’t their fault, really. But I can’t help but feel a little sour and spiteful. Actually it’s me whom I am angry with. I can only lay blame on myself and no one else. Who is the one who lacked the courage to lead life the way she wanted it?

But regret is a useless emotion; all we have is today and tomorrow. Since I have made a decision to pursue a business degree at SMU, I have to stand by it. I just pray that 23 years of age wouldn’t be too old an age to pursue a dance degree. I am unsure whether I’ll be up to it in 4 years time. Will I still have the drive? Will I have the courage? Will I be able to support myself financially if I were to make such a decision?

Life is full of questions… when will I get the answers?

i wanna be a kid again!

2007-07-04T12:17:00.000+08:00

I participated in the "Care To Dance" programme again this year, 2 days back, on monday. It was fun reliving my childhood memories!

my buddy (the kid whom i played and danced with) was Jane. she's really cute, funny and enthusiastic. she made me carry her thousands of times, because loved this move in the banghra dance, where i lift her up and twirl her around. during our tea break i piggy-backed her to the canteen to watch our hands before we had our food. i really felt like a kid again!

the things we did were, well, childish, but fun (: we did things like play choo choo train and act like chickens and elephants. you enter a world of childish fun and innocence, which i must say, is something i find appealing.

since i'm on this topic, i might as well take the opportunity to share more about the programme. it's basically an outreach programme organised by the YMCA. the programme is designed to reach out to less privileged children aged 7 to 12. this year the beneficiaries were children from the YMCA Tao Nan Student Care Centre and YMCA St Margaret's Student Care Centre. the programme is held annually, and there are usually 3 days which you can choose from. the beneficiaries for each day is different, so i guess it may be possible for you to sign up for more than one day if you are interested.

More information below:

CARE TO DANCE

Care to Dance 2007

Care to Dance is about helping others and having fun at the same time! Organised by YMCA of Singapore and facilitated by Lindy Hop Ensemble, Care to Dance is a project in celebration of SHINE youth festival.

"Dancing and interacting with the beneficiaries has helped give me a positive outlook. It was fun. I had a great time" – 2006 participant Nur Rafiqa, age 15

"I enjoyed it totally, and I am really touched by the kid's attitude towards life" – Michael Chong, age 20

"This programme helped us learn more about kids... It was an enjoyable session and a real eye opening experience " - Betty David, age 29

What to Expect?

Your role as a volunteer will be to befriend a child beneficiary and interact with the child through the games and dance sessions. Together you will learn fun lindy hop moves and even sample some bhangra and bollywood dance moves - all set to catchy upbeat music.

About SHINE

SHINE is a youth festival created by youth for the youth. It is a month long festival to showcase the youth’s diverse talents and skills to shape a better future for the community and celebrate young role models. SHINE is supported by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) and the National Youth Council (NYC).

About the Organiser

YMCA of Singapore is a Christian not-for-profit organisation founded in 1902 and affiliated worldwide. It seeks to serve and enrich all members of the community regardless of race, language or religion and to develop Body, Mind & Spirit through wholesome programmes which are based on Christian principles.

About Lindy Hop Ensemble

Lindy Hop Ensemble, a YMCA Associate in the Arts, was established in 1997. Lindy Hop Ensemble specializes vintage jazz dances like the charleston, swing and lindy hop. LHE is best known for its innovative treatment of African-American dance with contemporary Asian influences.

About MCYS

The Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) leads policies, strategies and initiatives to attain their vision of Inspired and Committed Youth for Singapore. Their strategy is to help youth develop a stake and have a say, and to support youth to participate meaningfully in society.

About the Beneficiaries

YMCA Tao Nan Student Care Centre & YMCA St Margaret’s Student Care Centre

YMCA of Singapore runs eight student care centres and three child care centres island-wide. The student care centres provide before-and-after school programmes for children age 7 - 12 years, including children with special needs and children from low income families.

i lovee my mum!

2007-07-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

i so feel like singing the mandarin song that praises one of God's greatest gifts - mums:

shi shang zhi you ma ma hao

you ma de hai zi xiang ge bao..

i think i've been taking my mum for granted lately and i feel rather guilty about that!

today i came to appreciate my mum all over again :) no one is better at ironing out girls' problems than mums! i was feeling pretty confused and troubled over certain matters recently, but a chat with my mum instantly relieved me of my worries. she dished out sound advice, and as usual she took the opportunity to preach about values and principles, as well as mentally sift through her database of anecdotes to select those relevant to the situation i was and am facing. (note: her database is limited, so more often than not, we listen - albeit impatiently - to the same story for the umpteenth time.)

i won't complain this time round though. i shouldn't. my mum helped me to sort out my thoughts, and i'm truly grateful for that. having said that, i doubt you'll catch me saying "i love you mum". it just seems strange, cos my family isn't the type that kiss and hug and say "i love you"s to each other. it's also not easy for me to say "i'll miss you" verbally to my friends. i guess i'm not used to it, hm, and i don't think i've ever said it before, other than through non-verbal means.

sometimes i wish i'll be less inhibited with what i say and do. my colleague actually commented that my sis is more talkative than i am! if you had known my sis a few years back, you would have found it quite unbelievable. i was the chattier of the two of us. apparently things have changed; i've quietened down, and i don't know why! i am less comfortable talking a lot when i am with my friends. OH NO. i hope i'm just going through a phase. haha, my mum said that maybe it's due to hormonal changes. i think when you're going through puberty, the easy way out is always to blame your faults on your hormones!

i'm hopeless!

2007-07-03T19:38:00.000+08:00

AH...i'm seriously hopeless! i can't maintain a blog, haha, so i've created a new one in an attempt to start afresh. hopefully it will help!

i want to create my own blog design, but being the IT idiot that i am, it is too arduous a task to undertake (especially without the help of my sis), so here i am with a skin from blogskin.com.

anyway credit goes to my pal siqi (aka sikhi) for giving me my new blog add name - gee jay why! :D